Lacey Cadavre: Where Is She Now?

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Fort Wayne, Indiana. Lacey returned to the only place she never, ever wanted to be again. Home...

She shudders as she sees the signs signaling her entry into the city. Why, why, oh why did she decide to come back? Glutton for punishment? She couldn't even confirm nor deny that. She didn't want to face the mental anguish this place brought back to her. What she'd seen here, what she had to deal with.... all of it, she buried for a reason.

Reluctantly, she steps off of the bus, slinging her bags over her shoulder. The rest of the herd that was on the bus quickly dissipated, leaving her standing there on her own, still staring at the hospital in the city's backdrop. Immediately she turns to get back on the bus, only to see it's faint turn signal down in the distance. Her heart dropped... no turning back now. A cold, clamminess overcame her skin, unable to keep her feeling the surprising October heat...

"Lacey? Lacey Carlton, is that you?"

"Yeah..."

She turned to the elderly woman watching her from behind, forcing a smile.

"My, you look so pretty without all of that dark make-up on Lacey. I've seen you on the television... You've changed from that girl that grew up on my street..."

"I... I can't really explain all of that now, Mrs. Burkhardt..."

"W... why don't you come with me, Lacey? I heard you were coming back... I figured you could use at least a warm meal and maybe a place to stay for your time back?"

"Ma'am... I don't really want to be a bother..."

"Oh, nonsense... I insist! At least let me get some food in your belly... you must be exhausted. You came from Toronto?"

"Yes, ma'am..."

"My, that's a long trip. Please, it will be my pleasure..."

Looking back up at the hospital, Lacey only nods. Somewhat reluctant, she follows Mrs. Burkhardt, already wishing she had followed her gut instinct and just stayed out of town permenantly...

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"You know, it was very, very troubling when you just disappeared immediately, Lacey? Jack and I were so worried about you when your parents came by asking if anyone had talked to you..."

"Hmph... them caring? How sweet of them. Finally..."

"I'm not even going to begin to try to understand what happened there, Lacey... but please, show them respect in my home..."

"Yes, ma'am..."

This was the very reason that Lacey didn't want to come back to Fort Wayne. To be forced to face her past, what she had experienced... what she had done.

"So... where did you go, anyways?"

The elderly Edith sat across from her after setting down a bowl of soup in front of Lacey. Lacey spun a spoon around in it, watching the contents float, then settle down to the bottom again.

"After all... it had been almost two years since you disappeared to the first time we had seen you on television..."

"I joined the circus..."

A look of surprise overcame the face of Edith...

"The.... circus?"

Lacey nods.

"Think about it. Professional wrestling... it's... a side-show. A traveling, freak-fest side show with harlots, giants, small acrobats in masks, and everything in between. How did I not join the circus?"

"I can't argue that... but all I can wonder... is why? Why join "the circus," Lacey...? You were so excited when you were hired as an EMT... you couldn't wait to help people... what happened?"

"I saw the other side of life..."

"You make it sound as if you were in the war... your uncle... he was in the Vietnam War... the things he saw were unimaginably horrifying... I believe that to be the reason to this day that he decided to take his life. He didn't want to go... he never volunteered... you did. You..."

"I didn't "volunteer" for what I had to do, what I had to choose, and what I saw..."

The harsh venom is apparent in her voice. She was trying to remain respectful, but this lecture ends. The truth?

"What I saw, what I had to do... what is being done on our own soil, what comes across in our own backyards... no... I didn't volunteer to clean up after that. I volunteered to save an injured, dying child... a motorist on her way home to her children... not to visit an American underground warzone...


Not to have to make the choice for someone's life."

Edith had remained silent since Lacey's outspokenness surfaced. Was she looking for answers about just why a promising young woman could turn into the hardened individual in front of her where she willingly beats herself up to avoid what she chose to do? Edith wanted to, but at the same time, didn't... find out...

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Fort Wayne, Indiana
Nearly Four Years Ago

"Congratulations, Miss Carlton... your prompt execution during that multi-car pile up saved lives, that I know for sure. These people owe you their lives..."

"Thanks, sir... but it's what I volunteered for... I don't need this..."

The scene? A congratulatory dinner. A four car pile up had killed one instantly, putting four others in immediate mortal danger, including an infant. Lacey had been at the scene, immediately assisting, performing CPR on the infant and saving her life. She had worked swiftly and diligently until the rest of her medical team had arrived, ensuring survival without increasing injury. To Lacey... it was her job.

"Nonsense. You were offduty. You saved a small child. Lacey, you're a role model that we can only expect to see more and more of an example out of you in the future..."

She could only blush. It felt so... good, to finally be acknowledged. She was a rookie, a blue chipper on her team of EMTs, always answering the call, and watching as her superiors recieved all of the pats on the back. She wasn't jealous, mind you... she knew her place.

But now? Here she is in front of her colleagues...


*************


Three days later.

"Where are we going?"

"Warehouse district... there's been a shooting. We don't know the situation... but local authorities are already on the way... we need to keep those alive that we can...

"Yeah... I hope we're not too late..."

The back door flings open, Lacey sprints out, through the doors. She was first response, the heavier medical equipment would take longer to bring in. Immediately through the door, she quickly vomits. This was a war-zone. Blood, body parts, vital organs... a mass explosion of the human body adourned much of the area. Small arms fire, larger weapons, even an explosive scorch or two can be seen. The perpetrators? She could see just by the bloodsoaked clothing it was gangsters. A gang war. She just walked into an American war-zone. She shakes the feeling of nausea, starting to check the bodies, trying to find who was still alive.

It wasn't good. Person after person, life wasted. Wasted for what? Lacey swore she would never understand the gang mentality, four years later she still couldn't. But one thing... one thing she would never forget. The final body she came across. The one sign of life.

Female. African-American. Not even a legal adult. She crouches by the girl, feeling the weakening pulse. She freezes immediately when the girl points a gun at her. Lacey looks around immediately, her voice stuck in her throat. No one was anywhere near her. They were busy checking the bodies she had already deemed deceased.

"I...i i ain't gon'....... ngh....... t'jail....."

"Ma'am... please... let me help you or you're not even going to live..."

"G...g....good.... I done... some ba... bad things... ngh.... please... i...i.... can't even punish myself...

fr... free... I nnnnnneed to be free....d...

Was... was she trying to commit suicide? She was. She brought the gun to her temple, but couldn't hold it. It dropped to her side.

"P... please... help...."

Lacey's hand hadn't left the girls pulse... she was stuck in the moment. She looked back, seeing no one around. They were still helping others, discovering their fates. Tears already began to run down her cheek, seeing someone so young.... want death. She felt numb as she reached forward, grasping the girls hand with the gun. Why, why, why... she didn't even know... why would she be doing this...

Lacey places the gun to the girls temple, letting go. She was able to hold her own aim. Her finger tenses...

"t.... ta...thank you...."

Her last words. The trigger was squeezed, the loud gunshot startling Lacey, coated in the girls blood. She sat back, horrified at what she'd witnessed... horrified at helping a young girl commit suicide. She didn't know why she offered her hand... a pair of hands grab her by the shoulders...

"Are you alright?!?"

Her eyes wouldn't move from the corpse in front of her...

"I... I'm sorry.... I couldn't help... couldn't help her..."

"She's in shock... get her out of here... are there any survivors?"

The discussion continued to float to Lacey's ears, she wasn't able to hear. Her thousand pound legs barely trudge her out of the warehouse with the accompanying assistance. She had been shellshocked. Coated with the blood of a girl she helped commit suicide... she, Lacey... the savior to so many days ago... just ended a life...

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"L... L... Lacey?"

The look on the face of Edith said it all. She was in awe. She couldn't believe that a girl she had watched grow up had made a decision regarding someone's life. This was the last thing Lacey wanted on her conscience, yet it has burrowed into her soul since the very instant that she placed her hand on the girl's trigger finger. A tear had started to run down her cheek for revealing her truth, her deepest, darkest shame, to a woman she had looked up to through the early parts of her life. Watching Edith stand from the table, walking towards the exit of the kitchen, while understandable, tore her apart.

"Leave my home, Lacey."

The last words escape Edith's lips, making her exit and quietly up the stairs. Lacey lowers her head, staring at the bowl long since cold of soup, wiping the tear from her cheek. A burden... a constant burden on her life. Had she reacted differently? That girl may have had a chance to make herself over in the justice system, the touted goal for that very system. She could have been something... yet with Lacey's help?

She was gone. And Lacey continued to bear the cross of shame from that very instant, becoming distant to her life, a constant reminder of what she had done. Quietly, Lacey exits the home, perhaps vainly hoping to make peace with the event that she had ran from, to hopefully cleanse her soul.

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Fort Wayne, Indiana.
Warehouse District.
One Day Later

Lacey had spent the night outside, bundled up tightly, freezing. The heat spur ended just as suddenly as the young girls life Lacey had helped to end, poetic, somewhat to her. She was removed from a place she could possibly rest her head on this self imposed exile/journey/mission she had placed herself on, left to her own defenses. She couldn't think straight enough to get a hotel room, depressed out of her mind. The only thing that was on her mind were the events that she had revisited.

That she was revisiting even moreso now. The warehouse wasn't hard to seek entry to. Lacey had waited until night, climbing a stack of boxes and dumpster to gain entry through a window. After a terrifying moment dangling by her finger tips at the window, she managed to scuffle over to another set of boxes that were a much more appealing five foot drop, instead of the near fifteen she risked when she first climbed through the window. Dropping down, she climbs down the rest of the crates, dusting herself off when she hits the floor. She can't look at this place the way it presented itself to her at this moment...

All she saw was the blood. Blood of those that she was called to assist. As if the war-zone wasn't a shell shock to her enough, she had to go and assist in a suicide to keep someone out of jail. She may have lived, may have reformed... but Lacey made the decision for her...

She runs her gloved fingers over railings, crates, hi-los, anything she came across, exploring the area. The ghosts of the past have haunted her long enough. She thought nothing much of the rest of the corpses that had cruelly decorated this landscape when she was the first to come charging in. The only one that was a constant presence on her mind was the one she created.

In the very spot in front of her.

Should someone walk in right now, it would seem strange to see a woman talking to a steel support girder. Lacey kneels down, bowing her head, her tied back, black hair dangles alongside her face.

"Four years... and not a day goes by that I don't think of you..."

She runs her hand along the edges of the black girder...

"I don't even know your name. You were unknown to me... and yet I made the decision of your life for you. I can't... I can't even begin to think of forgiving myself, of even rationalizing it... but, why? Why this war? Why not make the most of your home, instead of making the choices you've made?


I... I guess I can't judge... No, I know I can't. I've left it all behind too... after meeting you here. We all make our own choice, dig our own graves and lie in them. The choices we make define us, make us who we are. I didn't have to do what I did, and, in retrospect... maybe I could be having this conversation with a living individual, the only thick steel in between us could be a set of prison bars. You could be excited to hopefully turn a new page, a clean slate, and start over. But I robbed you... I robbed you of that chance.

And not a day goes by that I don't think of ways that I should be making amends and starting over. It's just... hard, you know?"

Lacey removes her hand from the girder, resting it on her knee. She remains crouched, nearly the same position she was in when she originally found the girl.

"I've caused so much hardship since then, alienated my family, my friends, my neighbors... all of them. I took the cowards way out, I ran. I've gone from a life of helping people, saving lives to make a living... to being a sideshow attraction, hurting others, bringing the hurt on the inside to the out. Each day I try... yet each day I revert into this... monster... I see myself being in the mirror each day. This bitch, this... murderer, even... yeah, murderer... I just..."

Lacey sobs weakly, leaning forward onto her knees. Her head rests against the girder...

"I just want the second chance that I should have let you have... I just want to be able to let myself have that... and each day... each day your spirit...

won't...

let...

me..."

Painfully, her fist bounces off of the steel. Lacey clutches her hand, staring at it through reddened, blurry eyes, the water flowing freely. Coming here was a mistake... her mind was becoming more and more shattered by the moment. She swallows hard, looking towards the exit. She glances back at the girder...

"Free me..."

The stare continues coldly at the steel for what seems like an eternity to Lacey. Finally, she bows her head, closing her eyes, a soft sob escapes her lips. Nothing. A mistake...

Lacey left. She had to leave Fort Wayne... she had to leave now...

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The slight thud of her heartbeat is all that is heard. A burning sensation racks her body, piercing pain thrives in her ribcage, her nose, her cheeks. A trail of red marks the path that she had just rolled. Lacey was in rough shape.

Two Days Later
Chicago, Illinois

She spits, coughing. Blood pours from her mouth through her darkly painted lips. The smeared dark makeup over her eyes hides the bruising taking place. Struggling, she gets to her feet before being taken back off of them by a vicious clothesline. The alley pavement, as always, is less than welcoming to her incoming frame, issuing a loud yelp upon landing. Her elbow was trapped under her rib cage upon impact, feeling her shoulder pop out of it's socket.

"Stay down you fuckin' bitch!"

Lacey coughs again, clutching her arm across her body. Struggling, she tries to reach her feet, dropping back down to her knee. She's assisted to standing though... and planted flat back against the wall by her throat. As if all of the blood wasn't making breathing difficult enough, but now this huge biker bitch had her trachea cut off from freedom, the tension ever increasing.

"You wanna come into MY town and talk YOUR shit you Indy little fuckin' lackin' sunlight BITCH?"

A headbutt. Lacey drops from her grip, straight down to her ass. Her nose was surely broken by this point. Why... why was she looking for such punishment? Lacey had been on a self imposed self mean-streak since she managed to escape the ghosts of her past in Fort Wayne... yet they still haunted her. She couldn't seek asylum from their taunts...

She crawls to her knees, her dead arm hanging limp, awkwardly dragging as she tries to climb to her feet.

Just what... do I have to do... to make you realize... to stay down???"

A thunderous kick to the ribs from the massive woman seems to do the trick. Finally. Mercifully.

"I.... i.........I.... de-deserve.......... it...."

Lacey's eyes roll back into her head, consciousness drifting away amidst the sound of an incoming siren. Red and blue flashes accompany her descent into the dark.

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"What've you done to me...

The young, soulless eyes look upward to Lacey, cowering in the fetal position. Her makeup smeared, every part of her body aching, her soul bleeding. All for forgiveness... all to repent.

"Please... forgive me..."

The click of small shoes echoes towards her, a teddy bear's drag against the ground hardly audible. Shadows swirl around her, the light blue eyes glow amidst the dark contrasts, peering into Lacey's soul.

"You know who I am, don't you?"

Biting down on her bottom lip, Lacey's eyes meet the girls, studying her. She slowly nods. Jet black hair, ice blue eyes, pale complexion... The teddy bear dragged alongside... she hadn't seen since she was sixteen.

"Who are you now?"

"Please...."

Lacey bites back more tears, burying her head in her folded arms. An ice cold grip forms around her, her spine tingling numb, the little girl stepping closer.

"What...
have...
you....
done...
to...
me?..."

Lacey crawls to her knees, staring her in the eyes. Shadows envelope the young girls already sharp facial features, mirroring Lacey's. Lacey reaches up, running her hand on the girls cheek before yanking her hand back in a bit of pain.

"Don't touch me, murderer..."

"H...how..."

She doesn't get an answer, as she looks around, the scene shifting, the one hint of darkness left is the little girl beside her. The darkened alley melts away, an over filled trash can nearby turns into a soccer ball.

"We had it all, Lacey... the scholarship to Purdue... your life... it was on track..."

The younger Lacey plants her foot on the ball, rolling it towards her before popping it up, catching it in her hands, the teddy bear falling to the ground. Dropping the ball, she lightly punts it over to her older, current self, who catches it, staring at the ball.

"Why remind me?"

"Why hide?"

The ball bursts into flames, Lacey drops it with a shriek, checking her hands for burns. Nothing... the scene starts to shift again.

"Everything you earned for yourself... for me... for my future... I looked forward to it all, Lacey..."

They watch as a Lacey of a few years ago assists a single mother in a car crash.

"Making a difference..."

A soccer ball bounces off of the roof...

"Living my life to the fullest..."

A series of gunshots tear a hole through the scene, the blooddrenched walls of the ware house bleed into view, dropping Lacey back to her knees, her hands clasped over her mouth. No, no, not again... a first person reliving of her...

putting...

her hand...

on the barrel of the gun...


guiding it into...



The gun shot and red spray splatter back into her vision, coating her. Again. She vomits... the feeling of this unbearable to her...

"Why... why oh why... Lacey..."

The heavy drops of blood splatter alongside of Lacey, their sounds reaching her ear drums. The twisted re-living further and further dips into depravity, Lacey's eyes run up the pooling blood underneath the little girl. Large cuts started opening up in the girl's flesh, coating the teddy bear, Lacey's childhood stuffed animal. Gaping holes part in her wrists, the insides of her arms, her neck, blood flowing freely from her mouth.

"Why... why did you kill who I was to become?"

A gurgle escapes her lips... the blood running dry, washing up against Lacey's knees. Suddenly, the young, fragile, innocent body in front of her spasms, flames starting to lick their way from her interior, engulfing the young girl. They spread to the surrounding scenery, brushing their ways against a frightened and panicked Lacey, who tries to crawl away quickly, pleading.

Forgiveness... forgiveness... that is all that she wants... and the place that seems to be virtually impossible to grant her her simple request...

was herself.

Lacey is engulfed in the inferno, watching each and everything that was her die...

*************************

"She's conscious? Good... good... what's with that heart rate...?"

Bound tightly, bruised, sore in every joint, the hellish, haunting nightmare of the past few nights resurfaces, rendering Lacey speechless. Rendering her emotionless. Rendering her inside...


Dead.

"Have we ID'd her yet? Has she spoke?"

"No sir, but we do have identification. Lacey Carlton... I found that she's a wrestler in Canada. Well, was... I don't know. There's no record of her employment for the past month..."

"Better call them to get some kind of answers. Insurance could be nice too..."

The nurse pulls out a card that was discovered in Lacey's belongings... An Action Packed Wrestling card... with one Angel's prominently displayed... a cell phone contact available.

"Yes, sir..."