Post by snl2 on Jul 8, 2008 4:12:43 GMT -4
It was past 3 am the night after she had faced Scarlett...
Lauren had been tossing and turning throughout the night. Thinking of many things it had kept her awake, her rocky relationship with best friend Scarlett, her missing ex-husband, daughter, a new enemy? Lauren felt hot in the Toronto air and the windows to her apartment open there widest. So many thoughts running through her head as she kicked off the bed sheets, and she felt hot and sticky despite the breeze. Images of Scarlett screaming that she hated Lauren, flashes of Jennifer's assault, the last time she saw her daughter and Logan, her title challenge with Ashley Raimond, the moment Angel Storm ended her first title reign. Then the images of her father saying "You'll never be good enough", "You can't do that" and "You're are pathetic" then Lauren sees the last time she saw her mother alive, and those words echoed through her mind over and over "I'm not mad Lauren, I'm just disappointed" that very same sentence Lauren had heard over and over throughout her teen years.
Lauren sits up quickly gasping for breath, sweat streaming down her face, her eyes widened and throughout the apartment a cool breeze blows, the curtains flowing in the breeze. The only light in the apartment is that from the moon and security lights on the building, Lauren looks around and she can make out the vague outline of the furniture and her possessions. Then Lauren looks directly in front of her and she can see her kitchen it is lit more than her bedroom/living area she can see pretty much everything, just not in quite the same detail as in the day. Then Lauren looked over to her side board and the pictures on it, one picture in particular stands out to her it is that of her and Scarlett it was taken before her wedding day and she remembered the words that Scarlett said to her, words of encouragement no, words of warning no, a promise made between the two that at the time seemed silly, but now Lauren had wished that her friend and her had kept that promise they made to one and other.
"Scarlett why do you hate me so much"
Lauren had asked herself this question over and over, yet she couldn't find the courage to ask the one person who could provide the answer for her. Lauren climbed out of bed and moved over to the window, the cool breeze from it felt so soothing on her skin. Yet it did nothing to ease the turmoil inside of the young woman, Lauren was amazed after all she thought that New York was the city that never slept not Toronto yet there were still taxi cabs driving around. People dotted around the streets from what Lauren could tell that it was more than just the homeless and night workers around. Then Lauren gazed across the Toronto skyline, like most cities Lauren thought this view was one of the best views you can get. She always thought that they are more impressive at night, something about pretty lights that she liked maybe she viewed each light as a life and there were so many. Maybe this was the mother in her she seemed to cherish life more and now she had more respect for family, Lauren also regretted more things.
"It's beautiful, but it's something I feel that it should be shared, something special"
Lauren then felt bad as at this time she had nobody to share it with, nobody to say that "Everything is going to be alright" then Lauren thought of Jay, he seemed to be there at the right time, he said the right things to ease her pain, her sorrow, her sadness. Lauren was simply confused at this time she didn't know who to trust, who she could open up to completely. This was a year of many triumphs but with equal or more upsets, the birth of her first child only to find months later the man who isn't even the father had taken her. Powerless as the courts decided that she was an unfit mother, and that her daughter was better off with Logan and they granted him sole custody of Michaela. There was the breakdown of her marriage and affair with Angel Fyre, to which she shared some great times with but after losing Michaela to Logan she saw that Angel though cared for Lauren didn't care for her daughter. There was her friend from a different time who went back and left her with only more questions, and finally there was the breakdown of her friendship with her best friend.
Lauren moved over to the shelf and picked up the photograph of herself and Scarlett, she threw it across the room and the frame smashed against the wall. Lauren then picked up the photograph of herself with her father and it shared the same fate as the other photograph, and it's frame buckling under the force, glass shattering. Did these actions make Lauren feel better? Absolutely not. Lauren walked over to the coat stand and she took her coat and put it on still only wearing her pajamas she slipped on her shoes, and grabbed her keys. Upon leaving she slammed the door, then made the choice of the stairs over the elevator. Lauren hurried down them like there was no tomorrow, she chose to go to the parking lot through the maintenance entrance over the street entrance. Lauren pointed her key fob at the a bright yellow Porsche to unlock it, it was her second Porsche. After she lost her first due to the actions of Ashley Raimond in Chicago, now she took great care and didn't drive her car to the arena. Lauren sat at the wheel and looked as the security opened the doors to the parking lot, Lauren leaned over to check the glove box. It's contents her driving gloves and a pistol, it was the pistol that Logan left as he took Michaela.
Lauren pulled out her driving gloves and put each on in turn, ensuring that each was tight. Lauren then put the key in the ignition and paused letting out a sigh before turning it, the engine started and it's sound was then overcome by screeching tires as Lauren pulled away and out of the parking lot. Lauren turned on the CD player and it was at the track of Apologize by Timbaland featuring One Republic, was this a coincidence or not as that song seemed to fit her feelings at the time. As Lauren drove the song played out, then Lauren turned on the radio only to hear some more bad news Christian Swatowski had committed suicide. Lauren knew him as Christian but the world knew him by his wrestling name Chris Rage, to her Chris was an old friend somebody that she hadn't kept in touch with since the closure of her father's company. Now she heard of his death, more shocking that it was a suicide, the Chris she knew wouldn't have committed suicide. A life that had become another statistic within professional wrestling, something that she had swore that she would never become but the pistol in her glove box and her plans were to change that.
"Another one has fallen, Chris you will be remembered... and I'll see you soon"
Lauren continued to drive, the sad news hadn't changed her intentions for that night. Lauren had reached the outskirts of the city soon, and her driving was maniacal at the best of times. Now with little to no regard for her own life her driving was even more reckless, as she drove into the night looking for the spot that Logan had shown her Lauren thought of those who were important to her. Lauren knew that she was about to let them all down, for those who cared for her. There were some who she believed didn't care for her at all and she thought maybe she was doing the best for them. Lauren reached the road it was quiet and secluded, she remembered when she and Logan sat on the large rock at the road side. It marked one of the most important days of her life, it was the place where Logan had proposed to her. It was a time that she wished was upon her again, she was happy and full of life, it that time it wasn't an act like it was now. Lauren was tired of being something that she wasn't, she wasn't happy, she wasn't a good person, no matter how hard she tried Lauren couldn't change herself she couldn't change what she was, is or ever will be.
Lauren looked at the rock and it was now close to sunrise, Lauren then reached in the glove box for the pistol and she pulled out a tape recorder. Lauren didn't believe in a note, this way was somehow easier for her to do, her hands shaking as she pressed down the record button and began to record messages for certain people
"There is no easy way of saying this, I thought tape was better than leaving a note.
Firstly I leave a message for my beautiful daughter Michaela, I know that in your short life I haven't been much of a mother to you. I chose to pursue a career instead of give you the attention that you need, that was my mistake and though the decision was out of my hands and I was against it. Your father can look after you better than I ever could. I just hope that he tells you the good things about me and not the bad things, my deepest regret is that I cannot see you grow up. So many firsts are ahead of you, first word, first day of school, first boyfriend, first kiss all of the experiences that a mother would hope you could talk to her about. My darling my little angel I'm sorry.
Now I come to Logan, words cannot describe the feelings that I had for you and despite what you might think of me, I never intended to hurt you at all. You were my first love and nothing can take that away from us, and even now I still love you. I think of the little gleam in your eye and it makes me smile. I remember the day you proposed to me, you brought me hear to a little road with a rock at the side, it sounds like nothing much but it was a special place for you and you made it a special place for me. If I could turn back time I would have changed what happened, we had something great and somewhere between Richmond and Chicago it died. I think we are both to blame for that, but we can't change what happened and that is too bad for me. My love I am truly sorry for all the pain I have caused you.
Angel what can I say, big movie star you were always out of my league, I won't deny that we had fun because we did. Somehow I knew deep down that it wouldn't last for us, both of us being away from each other. Long distance relationships never work out, I wish that I could say something more meaningful or from the heart but I just can't find those words. Angel I am sorry.
Michelle, Megan. I wish I could have really appreciated you more, Megan you were perhaps the straight-laced big sister I needed, the day you let me lace up your wrestling boots was the day that changed my life, I wish I could have said that it saved me, at the time it did I guess but now I see that it only extended my life. Thank you. Michelle the smart one, I haven't heard much from you since you shacked up with that Cam Kin... I can't remember his name. He was a wrestler and now I recall you saying never again after Dane? But I suppose that you are a good judge of character and I wish you the best my sister.
Mildred what can I say, now you hate me. I don't expect this to change a thing but I wanted you to know that I shared some good memories with you. I remember the first day we met, I was so surprised to see another woman at the school, at that moment I kind of knew that we would become friends and we did. You shared perhaps my happiest moment with me, you were my maid of honor, and you said that no matter what happens we'll always be friends and until my arrival in Toronto that had been the case, we had shared problems and I knew that my best friend was only a phone call away. Now it seems that I have no best friend at all, you returned my call only to berate me and belittle me in front of the world, you messed with my feelings just for cheap entertainment and that hurt more than you'll ever know"
Lauren then pressed the stop button and then placed the recorder on the passenger seat, then she pressed the button to fold down the roof of her car and she looked up at the sky. Once the roof had completely opened Lauren looked at herself in the mirror and then she picked up the gun in her left hand, she pulled back the hammer and placed the gun underneath her chin pointing it so that it would blow through the back of her skull taking a good portion of her brain with it. Lauren places her index finger on the trigger and then pulled it...
Lauren had been tossing and turning throughout the night. Thinking of many things it had kept her awake, her rocky relationship with best friend Scarlett, her missing ex-husband, daughter, a new enemy? Lauren felt hot in the Toronto air and the windows to her apartment open there widest. So many thoughts running through her head as she kicked off the bed sheets, and she felt hot and sticky despite the breeze. Images of Scarlett screaming that she hated Lauren, flashes of Jennifer's assault, the last time she saw her daughter and Logan, her title challenge with Ashley Raimond, the moment Angel Storm ended her first title reign. Then the images of her father saying "You'll never be good enough", "You can't do that" and "You're are pathetic" then Lauren sees the last time she saw her mother alive, and those words echoed through her mind over and over "I'm not mad Lauren, I'm just disappointed" that very same sentence Lauren had heard over and over throughout her teen years.
Lauren sits up quickly gasping for breath, sweat streaming down her face, her eyes widened and throughout the apartment a cool breeze blows, the curtains flowing in the breeze. The only light in the apartment is that from the moon and security lights on the building, Lauren looks around and she can make out the vague outline of the furniture and her possessions. Then Lauren looks directly in front of her and she can see her kitchen it is lit more than her bedroom/living area she can see pretty much everything, just not in quite the same detail as in the day. Then Lauren looked over to her side board and the pictures on it, one picture in particular stands out to her it is that of her and Scarlett it was taken before her wedding day and she remembered the words that Scarlett said to her, words of encouragement no, words of warning no, a promise made between the two that at the time seemed silly, but now Lauren had wished that her friend and her had kept that promise they made to one and other.
"Scarlett why do you hate me so much"
Lauren had asked herself this question over and over, yet she couldn't find the courage to ask the one person who could provide the answer for her. Lauren climbed out of bed and moved over to the window, the cool breeze from it felt so soothing on her skin. Yet it did nothing to ease the turmoil inside of the young woman, Lauren was amazed after all she thought that New York was the city that never slept not Toronto yet there were still taxi cabs driving around. People dotted around the streets from what Lauren could tell that it was more than just the homeless and night workers around. Then Lauren gazed across the Toronto skyline, like most cities Lauren thought this view was one of the best views you can get. She always thought that they are more impressive at night, something about pretty lights that she liked maybe she viewed each light as a life and there were so many. Maybe this was the mother in her she seemed to cherish life more and now she had more respect for family, Lauren also regretted more things.
"It's beautiful, but it's something I feel that it should be shared, something special"
Lauren then felt bad as at this time she had nobody to share it with, nobody to say that "Everything is going to be alright" then Lauren thought of Jay, he seemed to be there at the right time, he said the right things to ease her pain, her sorrow, her sadness. Lauren was simply confused at this time she didn't know who to trust, who she could open up to completely. This was a year of many triumphs but with equal or more upsets, the birth of her first child only to find months later the man who isn't even the father had taken her. Powerless as the courts decided that she was an unfit mother, and that her daughter was better off with Logan and they granted him sole custody of Michaela. There was the breakdown of her marriage and affair with Angel Fyre, to which she shared some great times with but after losing Michaela to Logan she saw that Angel though cared for Lauren didn't care for her daughter. There was her friend from a different time who went back and left her with only more questions, and finally there was the breakdown of her friendship with her best friend.
Lauren moved over to the shelf and picked up the photograph of herself and Scarlett, she threw it across the room and the frame smashed against the wall. Lauren then picked up the photograph of herself with her father and it shared the same fate as the other photograph, and it's frame buckling under the force, glass shattering. Did these actions make Lauren feel better? Absolutely not. Lauren walked over to the coat stand and she took her coat and put it on still only wearing her pajamas she slipped on her shoes, and grabbed her keys. Upon leaving she slammed the door, then made the choice of the stairs over the elevator. Lauren hurried down them like there was no tomorrow, she chose to go to the parking lot through the maintenance entrance over the street entrance. Lauren pointed her key fob at the a bright yellow Porsche to unlock it, it was her second Porsche. After she lost her first due to the actions of Ashley Raimond in Chicago, now she took great care and didn't drive her car to the arena. Lauren sat at the wheel and looked as the security opened the doors to the parking lot, Lauren leaned over to check the glove box. It's contents her driving gloves and a pistol, it was the pistol that Logan left as he took Michaela.
Lauren pulled out her driving gloves and put each on in turn, ensuring that each was tight. Lauren then put the key in the ignition and paused letting out a sigh before turning it, the engine started and it's sound was then overcome by screeching tires as Lauren pulled away and out of the parking lot. Lauren turned on the CD player and it was at the track of Apologize by Timbaland featuring One Republic, was this a coincidence or not as that song seemed to fit her feelings at the time. As Lauren drove the song played out, then Lauren turned on the radio only to hear some more bad news Christian Swatowski had committed suicide. Lauren knew him as Christian but the world knew him by his wrestling name Chris Rage, to her Chris was an old friend somebody that she hadn't kept in touch with since the closure of her father's company. Now she heard of his death, more shocking that it was a suicide, the Chris she knew wouldn't have committed suicide. A life that had become another statistic within professional wrestling, something that she had swore that she would never become but the pistol in her glove box and her plans were to change that.
"Another one has fallen, Chris you will be remembered... and I'll see you soon"
Lauren continued to drive, the sad news hadn't changed her intentions for that night. Lauren had reached the outskirts of the city soon, and her driving was maniacal at the best of times. Now with little to no regard for her own life her driving was even more reckless, as she drove into the night looking for the spot that Logan had shown her Lauren thought of those who were important to her. Lauren knew that she was about to let them all down, for those who cared for her. There were some who she believed didn't care for her at all and she thought maybe she was doing the best for them. Lauren reached the road it was quiet and secluded, she remembered when she and Logan sat on the large rock at the road side. It marked one of the most important days of her life, it was the place where Logan had proposed to her. It was a time that she wished was upon her again, she was happy and full of life, it that time it wasn't an act like it was now. Lauren was tired of being something that she wasn't, she wasn't happy, she wasn't a good person, no matter how hard she tried Lauren couldn't change herself she couldn't change what she was, is or ever will be.
Lauren looked at the rock and it was now close to sunrise, Lauren then reached in the glove box for the pistol and she pulled out a tape recorder. Lauren didn't believe in a note, this way was somehow easier for her to do, her hands shaking as she pressed down the record button and began to record messages for certain people
"There is no easy way of saying this, I thought tape was better than leaving a note.
Firstly I leave a message for my beautiful daughter Michaela, I know that in your short life I haven't been much of a mother to you. I chose to pursue a career instead of give you the attention that you need, that was my mistake and though the decision was out of my hands and I was against it. Your father can look after you better than I ever could. I just hope that he tells you the good things about me and not the bad things, my deepest regret is that I cannot see you grow up. So many firsts are ahead of you, first word, first day of school, first boyfriend, first kiss all of the experiences that a mother would hope you could talk to her about. My darling my little angel I'm sorry.
Now I come to Logan, words cannot describe the feelings that I had for you and despite what you might think of me, I never intended to hurt you at all. You were my first love and nothing can take that away from us, and even now I still love you. I think of the little gleam in your eye and it makes me smile. I remember the day you proposed to me, you brought me hear to a little road with a rock at the side, it sounds like nothing much but it was a special place for you and you made it a special place for me. If I could turn back time I would have changed what happened, we had something great and somewhere between Richmond and Chicago it died. I think we are both to blame for that, but we can't change what happened and that is too bad for me. My love I am truly sorry for all the pain I have caused you.
Angel what can I say, big movie star you were always out of my league, I won't deny that we had fun because we did. Somehow I knew deep down that it wouldn't last for us, both of us being away from each other. Long distance relationships never work out, I wish that I could say something more meaningful or from the heart but I just can't find those words. Angel I am sorry.
Michelle, Megan. I wish I could have really appreciated you more, Megan you were perhaps the straight-laced big sister I needed, the day you let me lace up your wrestling boots was the day that changed my life, I wish I could have said that it saved me, at the time it did I guess but now I see that it only extended my life. Thank you. Michelle the smart one, I haven't heard much from you since you shacked up with that Cam Kin... I can't remember his name. He was a wrestler and now I recall you saying never again after Dane? But I suppose that you are a good judge of character and I wish you the best my sister.
Mildred what can I say, now you hate me. I don't expect this to change a thing but I wanted you to know that I shared some good memories with you. I remember the first day we met, I was so surprised to see another woman at the school, at that moment I kind of knew that we would become friends and we did. You shared perhaps my happiest moment with me, you were my maid of honor, and you said that no matter what happens we'll always be friends and until my arrival in Toronto that had been the case, we had shared problems and I knew that my best friend was only a phone call away. Now it seems that I have no best friend at all, you returned my call only to berate me and belittle me in front of the world, you messed with my feelings just for cheap entertainment and that hurt more than you'll ever know"
Lauren then pressed the stop button and then placed the recorder on the passenger seat, then she pressed the button to fold down the roof of her car and she looked up at the sky. Once the roof had completely opened Lauren looked at herself in the mirror and then she picked up the gun in her left hand, she pulled back the hammer and placed the gun underneath her chin pointing it so that it would blow through the back of her skull taking a good portion of her brain with it. Lauren places her index finger on the trigger and then pulled it...